One line about the problem. One about the product. One about the proof. One about the price-and-CTA. That's it. Most product copy fails by trying to do more.
We've rewritten over 600 product descriptions for ecommerce clients in the last year. After a while, a pattern shows up: the descriptions that convert all hit four beats, in this order.
Line 1: The problem (one sentence)
Name the specific frustration this product solves — in the customer's words, not yours. Not "for those who love adventure" but "for the bag that always ends up half-empty by Saturday morning."
Line 2: The product (one sentence)
What it is, what makes it different, in one line. "A 25L weekend pack with a separate boot pocket so the mud stays out of the rest." Concrete nouns. No "innovative" or "next-generation."
Line 3: The proof (one short paragraph)
Numbers, materials, named tests, or one short user quote. "Cordura 500D. Tested over 200 miles of the Pennine Way. 92% of buyers say it's lighter than they expected." Three pieces of evidence is plenty.
Line 4: The price + CTA
State the price and one clear next action. If there's a guarantee or free returns, mention it here, not earlier. People scroll fast — keep the close clean.
A real before-and-after
Before: "Crafted from the finest premium materials, our innovative weekend bag is the perfect companion for the modern adventurer who refuses to compromise on style or function."
After: "Tired of bringing back a bag full of muddy boots? Our 25L weekend pack has a separate sealed boot pocket — so everything else stays dry. Cordura 500D, 1.1kg, tested over 200 miles. £119, free UK returns."
The mistakes to skip
- Leading with the brand. Visitors don't care who made it. They care what it does.
- Listing every feature. Pick three. The rest belongs in specs.
- Adjective stuffing. "Premium quality bespoke" is three words doing zero work.
- Ignoring scannability. Most product copy is read in five seconds. Format for that.
The cheat sheet: problem, product, proof, price. Four lines. Cut everything else.
